The Addict Does Push-ups in the Background
“Recovery isn’t about the destination, it’s an ongoing journey, a constant practice much like an athlete maintaining peak performance.”
In my own experience with 12-step recovery, I’ve found the analogy of the addict within us always doing push-ups in the background most fitting. It’s getting stronger, and waiting for a moment of vulnerability. This metaphor captures the reality that addiction doesn’t disappear with abstinence. Instead, it lies dormant, growing resilient through unnoticed habits and unguarded moments.
As someone in recovery, actively working through a personal spiritual programme, I’ve come to understand a critical truth: even during extended periods of wellness and health, the potential for relapse quietly lingers. This time, the addiction may show up differently, not as damaging as alcohol and drugs, and it doesn’t announce itself with grand gestures. Instead, it creeps in subtly, often when life’s daily demands take precedence over recovery practices. It is in these quiet spaces that addiction, fortified by instant gratification and the dopamine-driven chase for quick relief, can re-emerge under new disguises.
The Role of Instant Gratification and Dopamine
One of the most insidious ways addiction manifests is through the pursuit of instant gratification, closely tied to the brain’s dopamine system. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, reinforces behaviours that offer quick hits of satisfaction. While in active addiction, this might have been alcohol or drugs, in recovery, the same neural pathways can be hijacked by seemingly harmless activities such as compulsive shopping, social media scrolling, overeating, or even excessive work.
Compulsive shopping, in particular, presents an interesting case. Unlike substances, shopping is socially acceptable, even encouraged in consumer-driven societies. It’s easy to justify: "I needed a treat," "It was on sale," or "I deserve this." Each purchase provides a dopamine surge and a fleeting sense of accomplishment and happiness. But over time, this behaviour can morph into a pattern where the act of buying becomes less about the item and more about chasing that temporary emotional high. The thrill fades quickly, often replaced by guilt, or financial strain, but the cycle persists because it taps into the same reward circuitry that fuels substance addiction.
The Illusion of Control in Stable Times
There are days when everything feels balanced, relationships seem to be thriving, work is going well, and physical health is on point. Yet, this is precisely when complacency can set in. The routines that once felt vital to your recovery, the group meetings you attend, daily reflections you read, and spiritual practices you do such as prayer and meditation, might slowly slip down the priority list. Not out of neglect, but simply because life seems, well, normal. There’s a dangerous illusion that the work is done, that recovery is complete, and that old behaviours no longer pose a threat.
But here’s the catch: addiction doesn’t rest. The addictive patterns, triggers, and old thought loops are like muscles being flexed in the background, growing stronger if left unchecked. The ‘push-ups’ are a metaphor for how the disease of addiction maintains its readiness, waiting for an opening, looking for a crack in the foundation built through recovery efforts. Instant gratification feeds this process subtly. Small, unnoticed compromises accumulate: skipping a meeting here and there, neglecting to journal, indulging in an impulse buy to relieve stress. These seemingly minor actions erode recovery resilience over time.
Embracing Awareness and Mindfulness
Awareness is the key to counteracting this silent growth. Recognising that recovery isn’t just about abstaining or feeling good but about consistent maintenance is crucial. It’s about acknowledging that the potential for relapse doesn’t disappear, even when life feels stable. This realisation isn’t a sentence of fear but a call to mindfulness.
Mindfulness helps in identifying the emotional triggers that drive instant gratification behaviours. Are you shopping because you genuinely need something, or because you’re bored, anxious, or lonely? Are you scrolling through social media to connect, or to escape uncomfortable feelings? By pausing to reflect before reacting, you can interrupt the automatic cycles driven by dopamine and make conscious choices aligned with our recovery goals.
Practical Strategies for Sustaining Recovery
So, what does all this mean in practical terms? How can we stay ahead of the ‘push-ups’ happening in the background?
Stay Connected: Regular meetings, check-ins with sponsors or recovery peers, and maintaining open dialogue about your feelings and struggles are crucial. Isolation can breed complacency. Connection fosters accountability and provides a mirror to reflect on behaviours you might rationalise to ourselves.
Be Honest with Yourself: Self-deception is a slippery slope. Be true to your spirituality and patterns of behaviour. Are you seeking instant gratification through new, potentially addictive tendencies such as compulsive shopping or excessive screen time? Radical honesty with oneself is uncomfortable but necessary.
Establish a Routine Spiritual Practice: Consistency is key. Whatever that looks like for you: meditation, prayer, and/ or reflection make a regular part of your life. Spiritual practices anchor us, providing stability amidst life’s inevitable fluctuations.
Conduct Self-Check-ins: Periodically assess your emotional and mental well-being. Are there signs of stress, resentment, complacency, or dopamine-driven behaviours creeping in? Regular self-inventory helps in catching the subtle shifts before they snowball into larger issues.
Seek Balance, Not Perfection: Life can get busy, and the goal isn’t to be perfect in your recovery practices. The focus is on remaining aware and proactive. Perfectionism can be its own trap, leading to feelings of failure that trigger relapse. Aim for progress, not perfection.
Recognise and Reframe Triggers: Understanding your triggers is vital, but reframing them can be transformative. If stress leads to impulsive spending, reframe stress as an opportunity to practice resilience or self-care without material indulgence. Replace impulsive behaviours with healthier coping strategies.
Financial Mindfulness: Since compulsive shopping can be a hidden relapse behaviour, practising financial mindfulness is beneficial. Create a budget, reflect on your spending habits, and consider discussing financial decisions with a trusted friend or sponsor if you feel vulnerable.
The Dynamic Nature of Recovery
Recovery is dynamic, just like life. It evolves as we grow, facing new challenges and uncovering deeper layers of self-awareness. The addict within may be doing push-ups in the background, but by staying vigilant, nurturing your spiritual growth, and prioritising your well-being, you can meet life’s challenges with resilience and clarity.
Remember, it’s not about avoiding the fall, it’s about having the tools and awareness to get back up, stronger each time. Recovery isn’t a linear path but a spiral of growth, reflection, and renewed commitment. Each time we recognise and interrupt an old pattern, we reinforce our strength. Each time we choose connection over isolation, mindfulness over impulse, we reduce the power of the addict within.
Ultimately, recovery isn’t about perfection or fear of relapse. It’s about living authentically, embracing our vulnerabilities, and finding joy in the journey, and isn’t just in the destination. The push-ups may continue in the background, but with awareness, connection, and consistent self-care, we can face each day grounded in purpose and hope.
